oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
