it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
