I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
