It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
