I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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