That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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