I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is Oprah even human
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
