i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
