Already got asked if we're dating
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
