true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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