My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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