Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
