Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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