I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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