you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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