Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
