Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
