I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
