feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
