You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
