Umm I'm too high to move.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
