ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
