I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
