Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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