Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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