drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
