Jerry, you need to find god
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
