my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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