Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he puts the penis in happiness.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Houston, we have a blender
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
