It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
