I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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