I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
