don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
smell my finger.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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