Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
