what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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