Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
