Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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