Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
