I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
