i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
