yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
