I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
