Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
