in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
