I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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