u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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