they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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