I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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