you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
