You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
