I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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